Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Beauty for Ashes~

Almost seven years ago I found out about the affair.  Five years ago yesterday I signed the final divorce papers.  I thought that my life had ended.  I had never experienced such devastation.  Never once did I ever see myself where I am today.  I am happy, more confident, stronger, thankful, and at peace.  Life has it's twists and turns, some of which we have no control over, and some we would never desire to happen.  I was listening to a song yesterday, and was thankful for the lyrics as they truly echoed how I feel.  "Lucky" (Jason Mraz, and Colbie Caillet) "I'm lucky to have been where I have been... Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed..."  I wouldn't wish where I have been on anyone, but truly I am lucky to be where I have been.  I wouldn't trade it for anything at all!  "And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me " (2 Corinthians 12:9).  Thankful for the Lord in my life drawing me closer to Him, giving me His own strength to make it.  "The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit" (Psalm 34:18).  I am thankful that He has drawn my sons to a closer walk with Him.  I am thankful that the part of me that I thought was dead, and would never find happiness is alive again.  I am thankful that I know that I can trust again.  I am thankful for Rob, and the last eight months that we have shared getting to know each other, and falling in love.  Of course there are scars that serve to remind me, but at least I know where that pain came from, and it is not where I am right now.  "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you" (1 Peter 5: 6 - 7).  I am so thankful that the Lord takes all my pain, tears, hurt, all that I am, upon Himself and in return gives me His love, peace, hope, joy... All my junk, for all His good.  "To give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified" (Isaiah 61: 3) Thank God for giving me His beauty for my ashes.  May where I have been, and where I have stayed, always motivate me to where I am now, and where I am going.  ♫ "I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend, lucky to have been where I have been, lucky to be coming home again.  ♫ Lucky we're in love in every way, lucky to have stayed where we have stayed, lucky to be coming home someday" ♪ 

Thursday, August 14, 2014


"Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad" (Proverbs 12:25). Having dealt with (battled!) depression myself for a number of years (it still rears it's UGLY head sometimes), I understand how consuming it can be. There are days when you think that you just can't handle it anymore; want to curl up in a dark corner and have it all stop (and I mean ALL!). After being on it for three years, I am happy to say that I have been completely off medicine for the last four years. (I am not ashamed to admit that I needed help.) It is not without some bad days, but they are bearable days, and some days in need of talking to my best friend(s) to help pull me out so that I don't sink farther into it. I am so thankful that Christ is in my life, and that He provides me the strength that I need, and lifts my head. There are so many people that are afraid to address it, afraid to talk about it, think that it is shameful, or disgraceful. It is real; just as real as if your eyesight was failing and you needed glasses, or if you had a heart condition and needed to take medicine. If you know someone, or are someone who suffers from this, please don't be afraid to talk about it! It is NOT shameful, it is NOT disgraceful... I don't think God would have used the word depression in His Word if it was not something that we would have to face.  Rest in Peace, Robin Williams.  

P.S.  If you have never had depression, or dealt with the awfulness that goes with it, you have no place judging the people that felt they had no hope, or other way out of the darkness going on inside of them.  It is real, it can be completely debilitating, and can completely consume oneself.  If you have depression, or know someone who suffers from it, please seek help, or be helpful! <3