Confusion~

September 20, 2013

Sirens, sirens, sirens, so many sirens!  Why do they affect my brain so?  This street we live on is so busy with them.  The sounds of them start a domino effect in me.  Tears sting at my eyes, and they begin to flood; my stomach tightens up, my mind races back to that terrible night/morning in May.  I imagine the scene, the sounds, the thoughts of my young man, the pain of a precious young woman, the totaled car belonging to special friends.  My heart breaks.  So many questions emerge, so much confusion, so much pain.  Two seniors coming home from a wonderful evening that they had looked forward to for months; only three miles from her front door, but they didn’t make it that night.  Slick roads, a borrowed car, and ultimately God’s plan (“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11)) prevented that from happening.  Four months later, and it is as fresh as the night the officers knocked on the door.  As I type this (11:23pm), I am waiting for my son who was driving that that night to come home from work.  My stomach will not be at ease until I hear him pull in the driveway and come inside.  Every time he drives away, the mom in me is concerned. 

I am thankful to God that He holds these precious children in the palm of His hand, and that He will not let anything happen to them that He does not allow.  One of my sons’ favorite scriptures, one he had me recite to him just before he had an appendectomy about 5 years ago, and one of many that he has hidden in his heart is in Isaiah.  “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).  I am thankful that they are more precious to Him than they will ever be to me.  I am thankful that He blessed me with rewards.  “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward” (Psalm 127:3). 

Father God, I pray that You will continually remind me that You are Sovereign.  Thank You that You love us and call us Your own.  Thank You for the four sons You allowed me to mother.  Please continue to help me parent them in a manner that is honoring and pleasing to You.  In Jesus Name, Amen.  (11:57pm, he is home. :-))